Omega19x: "Welcome back, Malik, Ryou." Dr. Roth smiled, and welcomed them in to her office again. "Did your trip to Tokyo go well?"
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded and grinned. "Yeah, it was great! We had a really good time."
Omega19x: "... it was a little... frightening at times... but yeah... I think we really did have a good time. I tried a lot of new things."
Omega19x: "Good! I'm glad to hear that." she smiled. "That's a positive step towards the goals we established last time."
Omega19x: "Speaking of last time, I assigned another section of homework for you to complete before we met again. Have you both done that?"
ph33r my rod: (( That was the lifestyle section, right? ))
Omega19x: (yup)
ph33r my rod: "Yeah, I've got it done."
Omega19x: Ryou nodded too.
Omega19x: "Good." she smiled again. "I know you two said you are already living together, so some of these answers were probably obvious. But it's important to set good expectations for how things will run around the house, what boundaries you set for yourselves and for a family you might have some day."
Omega19x: "So why don't we start at the beginning. Malik, tell me about what kind of home you'd like to have and where. Questions 1 and 2."
ph33r my rod: "The kind of house... just something comfortable. Nothing too big or too small, but has enough room to live in and accomodate for any sort of additions. As for where... I'd rather stay in Domino. It's become my home."
Omega19x: "Ryou, what kind of home would you like?"
Omega19x: "... um... A small home would be nice, something that isn't too hard to keep up. We don't need a lot of space." he replied. "And... I want to stay here in Domino too. Kind of... outside the city, in a nice quiet neighborhood."
Omega19x: "What about the inside of that home? The furniture? The decor?"
ph33r my rod: Malik shrugged. "I guess we'll both agree on what we like. I don't really think it'll be that big of an issue, to be honest."
Omega19x: She nodded. "For both of you to agree on what you like, it takes a lot of open communication. Remember, you're two different people, likely with two different sets of interests. And a home, like a marriage, combines these together."
Omega19x: "... I wrote down that we should... each pick something."
Omega19x: "That's kind of what we've done now..."
ph33r my rod: "...yeah, that works too."
Omega19x: "That's good. It is important that each of you have a way of showing your unique individual tastes in your home."
Omega19x: "Why don't we spend a little time talking about those tastes. Questions 26-29. This time, Ryou, why don't you go first. What sort of cultural or intellectual interests do you have?"
Omega19x: "And what sort of hobbies you have too."
Omega19x: "... I went to a poetry reading, and really liked that. I... I think I kind of like writing. And reading all sorts of books, especially from the great British authors, the romantic era poets... As far as hobbies, I do yoga every day. And I like to make miniatures for the table top role playing game, Monster World."
Omega19x: "Good. Very good. Malik, how can you help Ryou express his hobbies and interests in your home?"
ph33r my rod: "Well... I guess, participate with him sometimes. Like go with him to his yoga sessions, make miniatures with him..." Malik shrugged; he didn't really understand the question, but just answered the best he could.
Omega19x: She nodded a little. "Those are good ideas. But I mean more in expressing in how you set up your home. We were just talking about decor, ways to make your home a happy place that reflects the two of your lives coming together." She thought for a moment. "Perhaps something like setting up a corner of the den for a small library, so that Ryou has a quiet place to read. Things like that."
Omega19x: "The space you create for yourself and your partner is important."
ph33r my rod: "Ohhh... well, yeah, we could do that. Set up a quiet place for him to read or write, maybe a small, peaceful place in the yard to do yoga outside of class if he wants..."
Omega19x: Ryou hadn't thought of that. "We... we haven't done much with the yard. Maybe we could make it a really peaceful place."
ph33r my rod: "Yeah. When we saw those gardens on The Astounding Race and talked about planting some flowers in the yard, we never really got around to that 'cause we moved out of Isis' house not long afterward... I kinda forgot about that until just now."
Omega19x: "And after looking at all the Japanese gardens for our wedding... I think I'd like to make something like that outside too. Maybe with a little pond, and rocks..."
ph33r my rod: "Yeah, that'd be nice. Like a little meditation garden, or something."
Omega19x: "That would be really nice!"
ph33r my rod: "We should do something like that. I dunno how we never thought of it before..." Malik grinned. "We can make a little project out of it, and they have all kinds of shows like that on TV where they make over backyards, or rooms inside the house... we can do the whole house up really nicely."
Omega19x: Ryou smiled. He was really excited about having a meditation garden outside in the yard.
Omega19x: "Good! Good!" Dr. Roth smiled.
Omega19x: "This is going to be really fun!"
Omega19x: "Malik, what about your interests and hobbies?"
ph33r my rod: "I like listening to music and playing video games, mostly. And lately I've taken some time out every day to work out. I like riding my motorbike a lot too, 'cause it helps me clear my mind... uhm." Malik thought for a moment. "Recently I've kinda started to like writing too, but most of my interests aren't really as... quiet as Ryou's."
Omega19x: "Ah. Very different interests. Ryou, how can you help Malik express those interests?"
Omega19x: Ryou thought for a little while. "hmm... I can clean out some of the garage, where we've been storing things... so you can have a special place to keep your motorbike and work on it. And... maybe we can save up, and get a stereo system installed in the house, so you can listen to your music in more than just the computer room?"
ph33r my rod: "That'd be pretty cool... would that disturb you whenever you're reading or something, though?"
Omega19x: "... oh yeah..."
Omega19x: "Ah, with two very different interests, this is where compromise will come in."
ph33r my rod: Malik shrugged. "I do have a CD player and headphones, I could just listen to that whenever Ryou's reading or writing and stuff..."
Omega19x: "... Maybe we could just put a nice stereo in the computer room. And you can listen to music in there, and I can read in the living room. I... I like curling up on the couch with a good book." Ryou added. "And maybe have some kind of sound system in the garage too, for when you're working on your bike and a CD player would be hard to hold."
ph33r my rod: Malik grinned. "That works."
Omega19x: "We can set up more video games and things in that room, and make that a more loud room, and save quiet things for the living room."
ph33r my rod: "Yeah! That's a good idea. That way I don't disturb you with my DDR or anything."
Omega19x: "Yeah, let's reorganize our space... and see if we can make it better."
Omega19x: "Very good! It sounds like you have some good talking points there."
ph33r my rod: "We can do that while redecorating, kill two birds with one stone."
Omega19x: "Just as with your home, with your marriage, it's important to be sensative to each others unique needs and activities. A large project like this will be a great time to explore those differences you have, and help you practice with compromise."
Omega19x: "But when talking about compromise, we should also make sure we address housekeeping as well as house decorating." Dr. Roth added. "Right now, who cleans the house?"
ph33r my rod: "I guess we both help out with that. There's no sense in one person doing all the work."
Omega19x: "How well do you two do in splitting your chores evenly?"
Omega19x: "... Sometimes, we're really good at it... and we split everything 50/50 and help each other, but sometimes I... I think I do a lot more of the work..."
ph33r my rod: ...eep. "Sorry... guess I need to help out with that more, huh."
Omega19x: "... I... know it's hard now... since we both work. But we need a better way of... of organizing that kind of stuff..."
ph33r my rod: "Yeah... like maybe taking care of the rooms we use the most, or something."
Omega19x: "... or just... maybe figuring out who's turn it is to do something... Like clean the bathroom, or do the dishes... and... and if we knew whose turn it was, it... it'd be easier to get everything done."
ph33r my rod: "Yeah, that could work too."
Omega19x: "It's important to share all responsibilities. Not just the things you enjoy." Dr. Roth replied. "Some couples I've seen have made a chore chart, and taped it to the fridge, or put it on a bulletin board, and assign chores each week. One couple made it into a game, drawing chores out of a hat each week. That way, they were sure to divide things up fairly."
Omega19x: "And that may include things like maintaining the yard, or keeping your vehicles clean and working well."
ph33r my rod: "Maybe we could try something like that... if it'd help us devide things more evenly."
Omega19x: "... it sounds like a good idea."
Omega19x: "And while we're on the subject of housechores, who does the cooking?" she asked. "Sharing food can be a difficult topic for many, because as we've already been talking about, we each have our own unique tastes."
ph33r my rod: "Ryou does most of it since he's the better cook out of the two of us, but I've been gradually learning how to do more."
Omega19x: Ryou nodded. "Though Malik's a better cook than he thinks he is... he just needs practice."
Omega19x: "What types of food do you usually cook?"
Omega19x: "...Vegetarian things... Malik's a vegitarian."
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded. "Yeah... usually vegetables, breads, pastas, stuff like that. And of course various baked goods." He smiled and gave Ryou a little nudge.
Omega19x: "... of course, there's always plenty of cream puffs to go around!"
Omega19x: "Good. The more you learn to cook, Malik, the more you can help share those responsibilities more evenly with Ryou."
ph33r my rod: "Yeah... sorry I can't do that much now, but I'm working on it~"
Omega19x: "You're getting better..."
Omega19x: "I mean, it's not like that one time when you set off the smoke detector while making toast..." Ryou giggled a little. "A lot has improved since then!"
ph33r my rod: Malik rubbed the back of his neck, blushing. "I still say that was a fluke..."
Omega19x: "... it's not like I haven't done it too..."
ph33r my rod: "...well, I haven't really set it off in a while, so I guess that's good?"
Omega19x: Ryou nodded.
Omega19x: "Cooking together is a wonderful activity." she smiled. "There's plenty of time then to talk, and keep those lines of communication open. As well as share what goes on during the day."
Omega19x: "And remember, you each have unique tastes, so be sure to help prepare foods that each of you like."
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded and turned to Ryou. "I don't have any problems with you eating meat if you wanna. Just so you know..."
Omega19x: "I know... I just have to cook it on the side."
Omega19x: "I guess I've just come to really like a lot of your vegetarian dishes. They're really good for you too."
ph33r my rod: "That's what I thought... but yeah, just saying." Malik shrugged. "It's not like we ever really have debates over this stuff or anything. I'll eat pretty much anything you cook."
ph33r my rod: "As long as there's no meat in it, anyway."
Omega19x: "Oh, that's right. Ryou, you're a baker. I guess I'd expect you two to be good at cooking."
ph33r my rod: "Yeah, it's not usually that big of an issue for us. Sometimes I like surprising him by cooking dinner for us, though~"
Omega19x: "I like it when you do that."
ph33r my rod: Malik grinned. "It's good practice."
Omega19x: "Good." she smiled. "Okay, let's shift gears a little bit. We've talked a lot about things we do like, but we should also be open about things we might not like, about limitations that we place on ourselves and on each other. On what should be allowed or not allowed in the home. Let's start with question number 10. Malik?"
ph33r my rod: "Number ten..." Malik looked on his sheet for that one. "Going out with friends without him? Um. Well, in the event that I actually have friends, then... I dunno. I don't usually like going anywhere without him unless it's to like, work or something, but I guess it might be kinda cool to hang out with someone one-on-one every once in a while. Ryou does sometimes, so I guess I can assume I have that same freedom...?" He scratched his head.
Omega19x: "... I don't see why we can't... I... I kind of feel guilty going off on my own for things that aren't for work and yoga class, though."
Omega19x: "That's a common answer I hear." she clarified. "But remember, different tastes, different needs. It's okay to have different friends too. And to do things on your own. You'll then have plenty of new things to share with your partner when you get back home."
ph33r my rod: "Well, my main fear with going places without him is that... something bad could happen while I'm away, and I wouldn't be there for him..." Malik bit his lip. "I'm kinda lacking in the friends department, anyway..."
Omega19x: "What makes you think that? Help me to understand."
ph33r my rod: "Both of us have been involved in some... pretty rough things in the last couple of years, and Ryou's health isn't exactly top-notch, though he has been doing a lot better lately. I just worry that something might happen to him when I'm gone and I wouldn't be there to help him."
Omega19x: "... yeah...a lot of bad things have happened... sometimes to Malik... But I... I have been doing a lot better lately... I've been trying to be as healthy as I can be."
ph33r my rod: Malik reached over to squeeze his hand. "Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but... I worry sometimes."
Omega19x: "... I'm sorry I make you worry..."
Omega19x: "You... you need to be able to go out with friends too... I... I've kept you from keeping and making friends, haven't I..."
ph33r my rod: "No, no, you haven't... I used to have other people I hung out with, but they either went away or got involved in their own things..."
Omega19x: "This sounds to me like another area where you could make a goal, Malik." Dr. Roth looked over at him. "Because it is important for you to have time independent of your future spouse, and it is equally important to have other friends in your life."
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded, biting his lip.
Omega19x: "This is something that is hard for you, isn't it."
ph33r my rod: "Yeah..."
Omega19x: "What about making new friends do you find most difficult?"
ph33r my rod: "...I don't know, really. There's this big group of people that we tend to hang out with, because we were all involved with the same things in the past, but I'm not really close with many of them. It's not really something I can explain... some of them are either jerks or tend to have a one-track mind, which kinda reminds me of how I used to be before I met Ryou." Malik shifted uncomfortably.
Omega19x: "I see..." she pondered a moment. "Ryou, what do you think you could do to help Malik with his goal?"
Omega19x: "... um... Maybe I could introduce you to some of the people that are my friends?"
Omega19x: "Would that help?"
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded a little. "Maybe..."
Omega19x: "There are sure to be people that you know at work, or from other activities, that share the same interests that you do. And Ryou can introduce you to some of his friends as well. That sounds like a good starting point."
Omega19x: "I'm sure there are plenty of friends that you just don't know you have..."
ph33r my rod: Malik shrugged and scratched his head. "...I guess I gotta start somewhere. There are a couple of guys at work that I kinda hang out with on my breaks..."
Omega19x: "That's very good. Co-workers can easily become new friends."
Omega19x: "And to help allieviate your fears that something may happen, do you have ways of contacting each other, to let your partner know how long you will be gone, or where you're going? A little communication can ease a lot of the worry."
ph33r my rod: "Well, I do have a cellphone... I don't think Ryou does. We should probably remedy that."
Omega19x: "That might be something to look into... yeah..."
Omega19x: "Calling to discuss plans shows that you trust each other to spend time apart."
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded. "Alright..."
Omega19x: "And it's also important to not be jealous of the time that a partner spends with their other friends or by themselves. That time is important, but they will still have time for you." she added. "That is a common concern too."
Omega19x: "... I... I think that used to happen more than it does now... Malik... you're not jealous when I spend time with my yami, are you?"
ph33r my rod: "Not as much as I used to be, no."
Omega19x: "... but you still are, aren't you..."
ph33r my rod: "Maybe a little, but now I know he's more like family to you know, so that thought helps."
Omega19x: "Remember, Malik, allowing jealousy to subside shows that you trust Ryou."
Omega19x: "... he's always going to be the other half of my soul... It... it hurts sometimes that you feel jealous... I know our relationship was difficult to figure out, but he's never going to have my heart."
ph33r my rod: "...I know." Malik gave his hand another squeeze. "Otherwise, you wouldn't be marrying me, would you...?"
Omega19x: "... I love you..."
ph33r my rod: "I know... but you have your insecurities, and I guess I have a couple of my own, too. We can work through them."
Omega19x: Ryou squeezed Malik's hand. It felt good to hear that he wasn't the only one that was insecure about these kind of things. He wanted to be there for Malik, to help him the best that he could.
Omega19x: "And with open communication, you will be able to help each other work through all your insecurities."
Omega19x: She looked at her clock. "It seems time is up. But don't worry, we've covered a lot in our session today. There's still more on the worksheet that we didn't cover. As homework, I want you to finish sharing your answers to those remaining questions - about what limits you should place. Okay?"
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded, still holding on to Ryou's hand. "Alright."
Omega19x: Ryou nodded too.
Omega19x: "And begin filling out the next section of the workbook - on family planning. Ryou, you listed that as one of your eventual goals, so it's an important thing to discuss prior to marriage."
Omega19x: "Okay."
Omega19x: "Then I'll see you two at next week's appointment." she smiled.
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded and gave her an awkward smile. "'Kay, we'll... work on this."
Omega19x: "That's all I ask of you. Marriage is a growing process."
Omega19x: (and I think that session was pretty good)
ph33r my rod: (( Yeah~ :3 ))
Omega19x: (a lot of stuff to think about)