Omega19x: "Ah, welcome back, Malik. Welcome back, Ryou." Dr. Roth smiled. "Have you two been thinking about what we discussed last time?"
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded and grinned. "Yeah, we've really been talking about ways we can renovate our house, and stuff like that."
Omega19x: "Good! I hope you both found ways to bring out each other's unique tastes and interests."
Omega19x: Ryou nodded. "We sure did!"
ph33r my rod: "Mhm, we've got some really great ideas~"
Omega19x: "That's great!" she grinned. "Now, today, we're going to focus on a little family planning, since Ryou, you indicated that it was one of your long-term goals, to eventually have a family of your own. Now, how much have you two talked about having a family one day?"
ph33r my rod: "Well, we have a bit... but not really in a while."
Omega19x: "... probably not as much as we... should..." Ryou echoed.
Omega19x: "Then the best place to start on this topic is with the first question on your homework assignment. How many children do you eventually want?"
ph33r my rod: "One or two, I think..." Malik looked over at Ryou.
ph33r my rod: (( ...*facepalm* ))
Omega19x: "That's the same thing I put down. I... I don't really want a big family, but I do want a family."
Omega19x: "It's always good when both partners agree on that. Many marriages suffer when one partner wants many children, and the other wants none."
Omega19x: "Given that you are a homosexual couple, have you given any thought to when and how you want to start your family?"
Omega19x: "... um... we don't want to start right now... We're not ready yet... not for kids..."
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded in agreement. "We're not ready mentally or financially... so it'll be at least a few years. As for how, I don't know... we'll most likely have to adopt."
Omega19x: "Adoption is a wonderful option."
Omega19x: "Ryou, how do you feel about that?"
Omega19x: "I... I'd love my child no matter what... No matter where they're originally from."
Omega19x: "Whether you do decide to adopt, or consider a surrogate mother in the childbearing process, both are common practices among gay couples these days, I'm glad to know that you are waiting until you are mentally, emotionally, and financially ready to become parents. Childbearing is, of course, the first part of childrearing. And it's that long haul of childrearing that marriage is well-designed to support - demonstrating love, support, guidance, etc."
ph33r my rod: Malik reached over to squeeze Ryou's hand. "We want to take it one step at a time. Get married, get settled into married life, prepare ourselves and our minds... we will have a family someday. But not until we've both taken all of the necessary steps."
Omega19x: "There's so much to know and do... before we have a child or two... I want to make sure we'll be the best parents in the world..."
Omega19x: "One way to start that process, of becoming the best parents you can be, is with open communication about the expectations you set for yourselves as parents, and for your children. You will need to communicate with each other, and with them. A lot of the questions you answered will begin that process."
Omega19x: "If you do adopt a child when they are a young infant, for example, who gets up at 3 a.m. to feed?"
ph33r my rod: "I... guess we'll take turns on that one. There's no sense in just one of us having to do it all of the time."
Omega19x: Ryou nodded.
Omega19x: "Okay, what about school? What are some of your thoughts on what kind of school they'll go to? Who will help with homework? Who will go to meet with the teachers?"
Omega19x: "... I... I'd like them to go to a nice school, but not one that's so hard and so strict that... that they can't enjoy learning. I... I didn't graduate high school... not for a lack of intelligence or hard work... I was just too sick at the time to finish... But my parents weren't very strict about juku or anything like that... Dad let me travel with him to an archeological dig site for an entire year! It was one of my favorite memories I have of him... I want to provide that kind of education for a child of mine..."
ph33r my rod: "I don't really know much about the school system except for what Ryou tells me, since I was homeschooled. But yeah, one they'd enjoy being at... I mean, nothing that'll make them want to be there instead of at home, but something they'll want to go to, y'know?"
Omega19x: "That's an interesting viewpoint. Not one that I see here in Japan very often."
Omega19x: "It seems you both had rather unconventional schooling, and want to convey the positive aspects of that to your children. That's important. Tell me, is there anything you wish your parents had done differently in that respect? Not just now, but when you were growing up? Things that might have been more difficult for you?"
Omega19x: "Um... I was a year behind, so I was older than everyone in class. And when I got sick, it was just too hard for me to keep up... That was really hard."
ph33r my rod: Malik bit his lip. "I was... mainly taught for only one purpose." He wasn't sure if he wanted to go into it fully.
Omega19x: She nodded. "Your parents had a goal picked out for you from the beginning, whether it was something you wished to strive for or not, am I correct?"
ph33r my rod: "Yeah... that's pretty much it."
Omega19x: "Then you should be very careful that you do not do the same thing to your future children. Be mindful of what your parents have done, and how it affected you, for better and for worse."
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded, knowing that he'd never want his children to go through what he'd been through.
Omega19x: "I don't think either of you will have problems with letting your children grow and reach towards their own goals. But what you might have problems with is reeling them back in when the behave poorly. Have you given thought to how to discipline your future children?"
ph33r my rod: "Well, uh... I don't think we'll be doing anything that'll scar them for life or anything, but past that, I'm not sure..."
Omega19x: Dr. Roth blinked. "That was quite a harsh statement, Malik. Are you speaking from experience?"
ph33r my rod: "...sort of. I guess." Malik looked at the floor.
Omega19x: "Did your parents discipline you harshly?"
ph33r my rod: He nodded slowly.
Omega19x: "What did they do?" she continued slowly. "If you don't mind me asking."
ph33r my rod: "My father... he would bind our hands and feet together, and get out a whip, and, well..." Malik shifted uncomfortably. "I quickly learned that it was not a good idea to defy him."
Omega19x: "Oh my goodness..."
Omega19x: Dr. Roth just gasped.
ph33r my rod: Malik looked down at the floor. "I... don't want anything like that for my family."
Omega19x: "Of course..." she looked at him with caring eyes. "Of course. But you must be cautious when you have children of your own. Cycles of abuse are called that because the children of abusive parents often fall back into what they know. It is important you make a firm committment not to do that. And if you need help, know that Ryou is here for you."
Omega19x: "Ryou, how were you disciplined as a child? Is there anything you wish your parents would have done differently?"
Omega19x: "They were very kind people... they usually put me on a naughty spot if I did something wrong. But I was usually a good boy, so that didn't happen. Amane was always getting into trouble, though... running in the house... with muddy shoes... accidently breaking a window with a baseball... But my parents were never mean to her at all."
Omega19x: "A naughty spot is a good technique. But make sure you follow it up with good communication. Tell the child what they did wrong, and how they can behave better next time. So that they learn something from the time out."
Omega19x: "And remember to be consistent. Ryou, you are a very sweet person. You may have trouble following through with discipline, and that's very common among couples. Just remember, Malik is there to support you, and help you be strong and firm."
ph33r my rod: "I think... between us, we'll be able to balance each other out. We've got a long time to think about things like that..."
Omega19x: "oh yeah... a long time..."
Omega19x: "All right, we have time to discuss one more question on your homework. After you have a child, will both of you return to work? Will someone stay home? What kind of arrangements might you make?"
ph33r my rod: "I don't know... I think one of us might stay home for a while at first, to help get the kid used to us or something... but after that, I'm not sure." Malik really didn't know how to go about doing a lot of the things they were being asked.
Omega19x: Dr. Roth looked at Ryou. "What did you write down?"
Omega19x: "Um... I think it would be best if someone stayed home... I... I think children need to be home with their parents. And we're not guaranteed to be there forever. We should spend as much time as we can with our children..."
ph33r my rod: "...I like that answer."
Omega19x: "Remember, having a child means a lifetime of love and support. Childrearing is not merely a job to do, it becomes a lifestyle. Malik, you are right. You still have a lot to learn before you are ready to be a parent. But as you both have indicated, you have plenty of time to become ready."
Omega19x: "Think of it this way - the love you will give your child is like the love you have for each other in the marriage. Remember that, and you'll be just fine."
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded. "Alright..."
Omega19x: "It's perfectly okay that you're not ready right now. Very few young couples are. It's more important to me that you know you're not ready, and that you have a commitment to waiting until you are."
ph33r my rod: Malik gave Ryou's hand another squeeze. "I know I do."
Omega19x: Ryou nodded, squeezing it back.
Omega19x: "Then before I see you guys again next week, I want you to talk through some of the questions we didn't get to. And since it came up in discussion today, I think we should move the 'family and in-laws' section to next week. So answer those questions for next time, okay?"
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded. "Okay..."
Omega19x: "Are you all right with that?"
ph33r my rod: "Yeah, I... think I can handle that."
Omega19x: "Let me know if it makes you feel uncomfortable. I can tell that this will be a sensitive issue for you. But I feel that it is one that should be discussed before marriage."
ph33r my rod: "I know... I'll try."
Omega19x: Ryou put his hand over Malik's and this time, it was his turn to squeeze. "We'll both try..."
Omega19x: "That's all you ever need to do with me."
Omega19x: She gave them a wave as they stood up. "See you next week."
ph33r my rod: Malik waved back with one hand, clutching Ryou's with the other.
Omega19x: (end)