Omega19x: Dr. Roth's door is open.
Omega19x: "Hello, Malik. Hello, Ryou. Your big day is only a couple weeks away now!" she smiled. "I hope these sessions have helped you prepare for that special day."
ph33r my rod: "I think they have." Malik smiled.
Omega19x: Ryou nodded. "We've learned a lot."
Omega19x: "I'm glad. That's what marriage is, and life is, after all. A learning process. And talking it over with each other is the best way to keep on learning together."
Omega19x: "Now, this week's assignment was a comparrison of answers. What you say, and what you think your partner said. When you know what the other person would say, it means that you've communicated well about that particular topic." she smiled. "Why don't we dive right in, shall we?"
Omega19x: "Malik, what did you think Ryou said in response to the first question - Does your spouse wait until you are through before having his say?"
ph33r my rod: "I think he said yes."
Omega19x: "Is that what you said, Ryou?"
Omega19x: Ryou nodded. "I did!"
Omega19x: "What do you think Malik said?"
Omega19x: "... um... I think he'd say sometimes... He might say I jump in too much with things..."
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded. "Yeah... there have been a few times when you've jumped into something without asking my opinion."
Omega19x: "Ah, Ryou remember to always listen. when you want to jump in, try slowly counting to ten in your head before you do. Give yourself time to calm down and listen to what Malik says."
Omega19x: Ryou nodded. "Okay... I'm sorry that I jump in and... and panic sometimes..."
ph33r my rod: Malik squeezed his shoulder. "It's alright... I usually agree with you anyway, I just wish you'd think first sometimes. Look before you leap... y'know."
Omega19x: "I'll try harder... Malik, if I start to jump in... will you stop me, and tell me to count to ten, like Dr. Roth said?"
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded.
Omega19x: "I can practice my yoga breathing when I count to ten... that'll help me calm down."
Omega19x: "Good. That's good communication right there. Asking for help to change a behavior that can be troublesome is a great way to begin the change. Malik, be sure to follow through with that, and it will really help Ryou."
ph33r my rod: "Okay, I will.."
Omega19x: "Let's move on to a different question. Ryou can go first this time. Number 4. Does your spouse seem to respect your opinion? What do you think Malik said?"
Omega19x: "... I think Malik would say that I do."
Omega19x: "Malik?"
ph33r my rod: "Yep."
ph33r my rod: (( brb ))
Omega19x: "Good. Malik, what do you think Ryou said?"
ph33r my rod: "I think he said yes, for the most part."
Omega19x: "... I think you're more understanding than anyone I've ever met..."
Omega19x: "It
Omega19x: s good to see that you share a healthy amount of respect for each other's thoughts and opinions."
Omega19x: "Let's move on to question 5. Do you discuss personal problems with your spouse? Malik? What do you think Ryou said?"
ph33r my rod: "I think he said we do, but sometimes not until it grows a little out of control."
Omega19x: "... I... I generally think we do... But Malik is right... Sometimes we keep things inside until they really come out. And that's not very good, is it..."
Omega19x: "No, holding things in is not helpful for communication. You already said that you believe each of you respect each other's opinions, so you have nothing to fear with sharing what bothers you in your personal lives." Dr. Roth answered. "Ryou, what do you think Malik said?"
Omega19x: "I think he'd say that he does..."
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded. "Yes, but sometimes I keep things bottled in, too. We both do at times..."
Omega19x: "I... I guess Dr. Roth is right, though... If I don't know something's bothering you or you don't know something's bothering me, then we can't work to make it better.
ph33r my rod: "Yeah..."
Omega19x: "That's a very common issue that I hear. It'll take time to work on it, but we'll talk more about that in next week's session. Nonverbal communication can play a big role in helping you know when it's time to talk about something."
Omega19x: "The trick is then talking about it. Ryou, what do you think Malik answered for question six?"
Omega19x: "I think he'd say that I don't talk to him like that."
ph33r my rod: "Right, you don't at all."
Omega19x: "Malik, what do you think Ryou said?"
ph33r my rod: "I... don't know. I think maybe in a few instances when there's something he wants to do that I think he might not be able to handle because of his health, or something..." He looked down at his lap.
Omega19x: "... yeah... there are times that... um... well... I wish you thought I could handle things... Even now... when I'm feeling well, I... I think you think I'm still fragile... and... well... maybe I am... but I wish you didn't think so?"
ph33r my rod: "I know... I just worry, sometimes. I don't want anything to happen to you."
Omega19x: "... I know... I... I just want to be strong... like my yami. Strong enough to do things on my own... It's not that I don't want you there. You'll still be there to catch me if I fall... but I... I want to stand... you know?"
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded. "Okay..."
Omega19x: "Ah... Independence is an important quality, even when you're joined together as a couple in marriage. Remember some of the sessions where we talked about engaging in our own unique needs and tastes? That might be a good place to start. Malik, encourage Ryou when he's trying something new by himself. But stand back... allow him to make a mistake, but assure him that you're there if he needs you."
ph33r my rod: "Alright... I'll try my best."
Omega19x: "And Ryou, don't be afraid to ask for help when you really do need it. If you communicate that kind of information to Malik, it will be easier for him to know when to support you and when to let you stand on your own, so to speak."
Omega19x: Ryou nodded. "I... I can do a better job of that... I think."
Omega19x: "Let's try question 8. I know this was a difficult topic for you in an earlier session, so I think we should at least address it. Do you discuss matters of sex with your spouse. Malik, what do you think Ryou said?"
ph33r my rod: "Um... I think he said it's not something we discuss often... we have before..."
Omega19x: "I... I said it's very hard to talk about...but we've tried before."
Omega19x: "Ryou, what do you think Malik said?"
Omega19x: "He'd probably say that he's scared to bring it up to me… since I'm so afraid of it… He wouldn't want to hurt me. I kind ofwonder if he wants to talk about it..."
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded. "Yeah... that and I don't usually have a reason to bring it up."
Omega19x: "Ryou it sounds to me like you do want to talk about it. Is that right?"
Omega19x: "... I... um... kind of do..."
ph33r my rod: Malik reached over to squeeze his hand."
Omega19x: "... Not right here, though... if that's okay."
Omega19x: "Of course. Such things are more appropriate for when you're in private."
Omega19x: "Let's move on to the next question then. Number 12. Do you hesitate to disagree? Ryou, it's your turn. What do you think Malik said?"
Omega19x: "Um... I think he'd say that we don't disagree very much."
ph33r my rod: "Yeah, we don't."
Omega19x: "Malik? What do you think Ryou said?"
ph33r my rod: "I think he said the same thing."
Omega19x: "I did."
Omega19x: "Interesting. You may agree on a lot, but make sure you don't just get into a habit of agreeing. There may be times when you disagree. And you shouldn't be afraid to voice those disagreements."
Omega19x: "We have time for a few more. Let's move on to question 15. Malik, what do you think Ryou said, in regards to Does your spouse try to make you feel better when you are down in the dumps?"
ph33r my rod: "...I think he said definitely."
Omega19x: "I said you were wonderful at it!"
ph33r my rod: Malik smiled.
Omega19x: "There's definitely an agreement there!" Dr. Roth smiled too. "What do you think Malik said?"
Omega19x: "He said yes!" Ryou replied energetically.
ph33r my rod: "Of course~."
Omega19x: "That's something I know we're both good at. We've had to... to take care of each other through a lot of hard times. We're good at making each other feel better!"
Omega19x: "A very good skill to develop. A lot of couples have difficulty seeing their partner in distress. They will sometimes turn inward or become angry, instead of showing appropriate empathy or even sympathy. But you two have this one down."
Omega19x: "Allright. I've saved what I think to be one of the most important questions for last. Do you help your spouse to understand you by telling him how you think and feel?" she looked at Ryou. "What do you think Malik said?
Omega19x: "I... I think he'd say that he tries his best."
ph33r my rod: "Yeah... I try."
Omega19x: "What do you think Ryou said, Malik?"
ph33r my rod: "I think he said the same thing, but sometimes... he doesn't think he does very well. But he does."
Omega19x: "... I...I did say that... I find it hard to put things in to words... I didn't think I did it very well at all."
Omega19x: "This is an important question, because it's not always clear what we're thinking. You may not know what your partner is thinking, even with excellent nonverbal communication skills, which we're going to talk about more next week. You have to help your spouse as much as you can, so that they ccan understand what's going on in your mind."
ph33r my rod: "Okay."
Omega19x: "... you really think I'm okay at doing that?"
ph33r my rod: "I know you at least try, and that's what matters."
Omega19x: "You try too... And I'm always here to listen. I'll... I'll even count to ten and make sure not to interrupt you."
ph33r my rod: "Okay." Malik gave his hand a squeeze.
Omega19x: "This exercise brought several things to light that you can work on and improve. And there may be more items in the questions that we didn't have time to cover. This week, take some time to discuss the rest of them, all right? Share what you said, and what you thought your partner said."
ph33r my rod: Malik nodded. "Okay."
Omega19x: Ryou nodded too.
Omega19x: "And fill out the section on nonverbal communication for next week's session. On this section, you're completing a sentence about your partner. "Even when you do not say so, I know you are... blank." she continued. "This will help you understand your partner a bit more, even when they find it difficult to say what they think and feel."
Omega19x: "Okay."
ph33r my rod: "Alright." Malik smiled over at Ryou."
Omega19x: "And I'll see you boys same time next week?"
Omega19x: Ryou nodded again. "Thanks, Dr. Roth!"